But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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