Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
