He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
