Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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