theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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