My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
