Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
not ubering you a puppy
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
