We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
