my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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