I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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