I could have mohawked her pubes.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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