Tell her she can't have a vagina
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
