Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
