It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
