She is in my trunk
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
