Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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