We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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