Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
