I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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