sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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