its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
