so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
