a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My dick has a subreddit
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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