I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
