I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
