i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
