You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
