Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
