I'm gonna have a badass scar
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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