she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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