I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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