hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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