nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
