I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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