i need an iv and a liver transplant
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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