Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
