I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
