I love black thongs
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I need moral support for this bender
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
