Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
