Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
