Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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