I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
