You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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