How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
