I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
