omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
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