Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
