he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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