And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
