In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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