We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
