i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Welp...herpes.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
